I took the week before the wedding off from work and went to Detroit, spending my time between my sister’s (MOH) house and my mom & dad’s house. My biggest stressors before the wedding were: the weather forecast and my dress alterations not being completed.
Our wedding was set to be outdoors with no real back-up plan. I mean, we considered a tent, but if it was really storming, what were we going to do? And with the weather reports consistently predicting thunderstorms for our wedding day I couldn’t live in denial anymore. On Wednesday I hunkered down and rented a tent from the company we were renting the chairs from. They called after a few hours and said, “But YOU KNOW that tent won’t fit all the people!” No, I didn’t, because when I rented it you said it would fit them all, no problem. Can I get the next size up? “Well, no because we don’t have any of those left, but you can rent two of the current size you have.” Umm, at $500 a pop, I don’t think so. So I said that people would just have to bring umbrellas and get there early and left it up to fate.
My mom offered to do alterations to save me the $350 the seamstress I went to was going to charge me. It was simple, really, just a hem and a bustle, taking in the straps a bit so they didn’t fall off my shoulders. Honestly, I have limited sewing ability and if I had a machine I could have done it myself. I had reservations about having my mom work on the dress, not because I doubted her ability, but because I know she is the world’s worst procrastinator and I didn’t need another reason to be annoyed with her. But I let my better judgment get in the way and had her do it. It turned out exactly as I had expected. It was 7 days before the wedding, my dress not done and my mom, bless her heart, was holding a garage sale. Yes, indeed, one week before my wedding and there’s my mom, hauling crap from the basement to sell at bargain prices. I was more than annoyed.
Our caterer’s invoice ended up being $1600 more than our previously discussed budget but thankfully my dad covered it. I asked to borrow the money until we could pay him back a few months after the wedding and he told me to consider it a wedding gift. I thought it was very nice, but predictable, as my dad always shows his affection through money and gifts. Our caterer is actually going to send us a refund of $1000 because it turns out that we overpaid for the alcohol and some services so I plan to offer it to my dad but I doubt he will take it. This is a nice surprise from the caterer, but I’m still really annoyed and not happy about working with them. The refund only takes the edge off.
And then the other thing is that my 19 year old pregnant sister comes over to my mom’s house while I am there to show off her new dress to wear to the wedding. I am greeted with an icy “what are you doing here?” She goes in the bathroom to put on the dress and steps out. It is white. Pretty, but WHITE. Normally I am not a big jerk about these kinds of things but the culmination of her history of being a total attention hog, the fake engagement ring she’s been wearing since I got engaged, the fact that she showed up at my shower visibly pregnant and didn’t even have the courtesy to tell me in advance so I’m wasn’t surprised and/or know how to respond to EVERYBODY who was asking questions about it… Yeah, I just stammered, “It’s white. You can’t wear white to a wedding.” Of course she gets defensive arguing that it’s ivory, and that it’s final sale and that there isn’t any other dress in the world that will look good on her. I just excuse myself from the room before I say anything else that will make me look like the bad guy. I bring it up later to my mom who says that she called the maternity store where she bought the dress and yelled at the manager who told her it was okay to wear white to a wedding. Sigh. Then my mom proceeds to go out to every store that sells maternity clothes and buys every dress they have so Nicole will be able to find something she likes. My dress is still not completed. Nicole, your attention hogging powers have reached new heights. I am in awe of you.
Which brings us to…
Thursday, May 24 – Flower day! Our wholesale flowers from www.growersbox.com have arrived. But wait – there’s only one box. Wait – only the gerber daisies have arrived, where are the roses? Called the hotline, they were very helpful but said something vague like “They didn’t make the shipment” and they will be arriving tomorrow morning. This is fine, puts us in a bit of a time crunch but it will be okay. Flexibility is the key, right?
Friday, May 25 – Roses arrive first thing in the morning and they are hot pink. I asked for orange. Blech. Flexibility, remember? Nobody is going to know. Just keep the orange gerber daisies separated from the pink roses and it will look fine. We modify the bouquets a bit – all roses for me and all gerber daisies for the bridesmaids. They look stunning and of course nobody notices or cares…including me.
My mom also calls in the morning to say that she was trying on her dress and the zipper split on it. She can’t fix it so she is at the mall buying a new dress. Fan-tastic. Can I remind you that MY DRESS isn’t completed at this point? I’m moved past annoyed at this point and I’m really angry. Then my mom starts bitching about her sisters, my aunts, who have been really emotionally supportive of me through the wedding planning (much more than my mom…eons more than my mom) and telling me to “watch what I say around them” because “they are two faced and will stab you in the back any chance they get.” Then she starts listing the things I’m not allowed to talk to them about including my 19 year old sister’s pregnancy. I laugh and say that since she is 6 ½ months along…they already know about her pregnancy. She starts yelling, I start yelling, It’s wonderful. I wouldn’t expect anything less from my mom, truly.
Saturday, May 26 – We coordinate how we are going to get everything from my sister’s house and my mom’s house to Detroit for the wedding. I’ve broken everything up, labeled every box, typed out instructions for the caterers and anybody else helping out. Todd makes a trip to the museum to drop things off (flowers, centerpieces, etc) while I swing by my mom’s house to pick up my dress, supposedly done, and pack up a few more things to deliver to the museum. When I get there, my mom is still working on my dress and I’m about to have a nervous breakdown. After Todd made his delivery he calls me to tell me mission accomplished and I ask him to drive back to my mom’s house because I’m really sad and I want to see him. Of course, he is such a sweetie, he obliges. We load up the cars and head off, no time to try on the dress.
In the car I start crying because I realize that this is it. The wedding weekend is about to begin. When I arrive at the Inn James and Melissa from San Diego are checking in and it’s so surreal, they are really here and this is really happening.
We keep getting updates from his groomsmen, flying in from all over the place – Josh missed his flight in NYC, Mike flying in from San Diego missed their connection. They all make it in by late that evening.
I wish I had more time because I feel frantic running around greeting people and doing what I need to do, i.e., make myself pretty for the rehearsal. No time for a shower (water, not bridal). When we are all meeting outside I start bawling. I see friends from Wisconsin, Massachusetts, California, New York, family from Texas and it hits me that all these people are here to celebrate with us. I also realize when everybody is gathering around for the rehearsal that I have no idea how to run a rehearsal, as I have never done it before, so I fake it. I put on my teacher voice and start explaining how we expect the ceremony to go. People offer input, changes are made, it was very communal. We then decide to create a back-up plan which consists of everybody cramming into a very large parlor inside one of the Inn’s houses and we then rehearse that as well.
The rehearsal dinner at Union Street Saloon was fantastic. Nobody but Dana had ever gone to the restaurant before but we heard the food was good and not too pricey. It was so delicious that I worried it would upstage the wedding food. The atmosphere was great, a 1920’s art deco saloon, and the company was so much fun. The night went on much longer than I expected. I drove all the bridesmaids back to the Inn and Dana and Laura went to my room to watch the food network and make boutonnieres, and complain about my mom.
I tried on my dress and had a 15 second freak out. It was just…not…good. The straps were falling down, they seemed bigger than they were before. My mom let the dress out way too much that it seemed baggy, wrinkly and shapeless. The bustle looked really nice, but the hem was uneven. My sisters reassured me that it looked great, I was being crazy and they would get me some double sided tape for the straps. I realized there was nothing I could do – I took the dress off and went to bed.
Wedding Day – Sunday, May 27When I woke up the first thing I noticed were the birds chirping and the sun shining in through the windows. Could it be? Sunshine on my wedding day?
After breakfast, I got a call from my mom. I greeted her cheerfully but wouldn’t you know she wanted to pick a fight. She was concerned about having enough time for the 4 people who wanted to get their hair done. A family friend was coming to the Inn to do our hair and I was expecting her at 2:00. My mom was insistent that she should arrive at 1:30. I would be getting my make-up done at 12:30 and might not arrive back to the Inn by 1:30, I would be back slightly before 2:00 which is why I scheduled it that way. I offer solutions to perceived problems, (i.e. they can get started in another room if I haven’t arrived, or we can just push back the time frame and take fewer pictures if it’s taking too long) but she shuts them down. After going around in circles for 5 minutes having the same conversation, I start get snippy, so my mom gets all stern with me, yelling about how she is sick of me talking down to her and I’ve been doing it all week.
So I hang up on her because
a) I really don’t need to hear that from her,
b) I don’t want to get into it with her about how mad I am at her, and
c) it’s my wedding day, I decided to be bridezilla for a moment and not deal with people I don’t like.
That was the last time my mom talked to me until the reception.
We go to get my make-up done and it starts to pour. I’m still not worried but I do wonder how much it would cost to buy a bunch of umbrellas for our guests.
When we arrive back at the Inn the photographers have just arrived and the hairdresser is waiting there. We get set up in my room, I put hot curlers in my hair, put some finishing touches on the flowers, get my hair done. It seems like time if passing so quickly. Before I know it an hour and a half has passed and it’s ready for formal pictures. We go outside, greet the men and start taking some pictures. We walk down the street to get pictures at the Detroit Institute of Art, cars are honking, people are staring. The DIA is packed with people, so we go across to the equally as beautiful Detroit Public Library and our photographers are having fun being creative with the new location. The photographer tells us that between the Inn and this and the reception he feels like a kid in a candy store. I think that’s the kind of attitude you want to hear from a photographer. I knew the pictures would be great.
We walk back to the Inn at 5:00 and out of nowhere, the gray skies part, the sky turns bright blue, sun shines down. My grandpa died on the morning of my sister’s wedding day and there was a rainbow after the ceremony. My other grandpa died a year later. My cousin turned to me and said “I think you have your grandpas pulling some strings for you.”
I start to see my aunts and uncles and little cousins as we turn the corner and I start crying. We do all the posed photos before the ceremony so we can have fun afterward and I am so happy we chose it this way. Once the photos are out of the way the photographers take a break and upload 8 of their already full memory cards. Yay!
We start the processional and I’m crying and laughing. Todd and I walk in together and I am glad we decided to do it this way. The musicians are not playing the song we requested, but it doesn’t matter. The ceremony goes off without a hitch. Our friend set up a sound system that works perfectly. Our officiant is our friend, Tanya and she looks beautiful in her sari. When Todd broke the glass everybody yelled mazel tov and I started giggling.
Afterward people mingle about and our photographers run ahead to the reception to take photos before people begin to arrive. We are able to talk to just about everybody in a very casual receiving line fashion. We get tons of compliments on the reading “I Like You” by Sandol Stoddard Warburg. My Catholic family members keep commenting on how “international” the wedding was. (What with an Indian officiant in a sari and the Jewish tradition of breaking the glass.) But I think it is nice that they are staying positive about something obviously different than what they are used to.
Apparently I hear word from others that my parents really liked it and were surprised at how nice it was. I think my mom expected an animal sacrifice or something since we are both atheists. My mom doesn’t say anything nice to me about it. I also heard that my dad was crying and told people he didn’t realize he would get so emotional. I didn’t see it. Maybe it’s best that way. My dad keeps calling Todd “son” which is cute, but a bit awkward.
At 7:00 we make an announcement that guests are welcome to follow us and walk down to the reception or take the shuttle provided by the Inn or drive their own cars. Most guests walk and we all cross Woodward together in a big throng and once again we are getting honked at and people are staring. It was really fun and I’m glad we did it this way.
We get to the reception and things look good. The bartender is serving drinks, the appetizers are being set up, the dinner music is playing, a bit patchy but it sounds good. I notice a few things aren’t how I planned, such as the dessert table not being set up at all. After a while I start asking the caterers if they can set up dessert and they don’t know where the desserts are located. After about an hour and much confusion and putting about 4 people on the task, my mom and MIL are setting up the dessert table. Grumble grumble caterers. But I’m not going to get mad or stressed out because everything else is lovely. I’m visiting tables and laughing and having fun. I consciously tell myself that I can be annoyed about things tomorrow but tonight I am going to have fun, and I do. The food gets an A- which is a nice surprise from the caterer. We have our champagne toast, given by Todd's best man, James and my sister Laura. They are both funny and making everybody laugh. Then we greet and thank our guests and invite them to watch our first dance, happening in just a minute.
We dance to Frank Sinatra’s Fly Me To The Moon, one of my favorite songs from when I was a kid. We did a bit of practice with a “Learn to Ballroom Dance DVD” so we had some fancy footwork, including some spins, which pleases the crowd. After that the dance floor fills up, and we walk around the museum to take some photos. (One nice surprise was that the museum people said our guests could walk around the museum all night, though we had only paid for the basement area. While taking photos we ran into a lot of guests enjoying the museum. They all seemed to love everything!)
The dance floor was filled all night with friends and family, we were glad we did the iPod route. We used Apple HiFi speakers and they were plenty loud enough. Highlights of the dance floor – when Todd's cousin’s 3 year old son began break dancing to Beastie Boys Intergalactic, when one of his groomsmen pulled out a chair and began riding it like a horse around the dance floor, and the final song of the evening, Glory Days by Bruce Springsteen which caused 4 groomsmen to jump on a table and belt out the chorus.
So to leave it on a positive note:
I loved that we were able to find wedding pictures of our parents, grandparents and even some great grandparents and frame them and include them at the wedding reception. I am happy with the areas we cut costs, DIY flowers, DIY music, officiant and kept the important things, like the museum, good food, drinks and photographers.
We've heard from our guests that they had a great time, the best wedding they ever went to, and most unexpected and unusual and personalized...which is exactly what we were hoping for!
