I'm buying this dress! I'm so excited - they were right all along - you really do know when you finally find "the one." I can't wait for it to arrive! (Technically I haven't purchased it yet, but I will soon.) It's made a real silk; it is going to feel so luxurious.

Who needs a wedding date or location when you have a dress. Hell, once the dress is in my possession I could just go to city hall on a minutes notice if the parents are annoying us too much. I feel so relieved.

I went to Miami University today. (Not the one in Florida, the one in Ohio.) I remember why college students suck.

I received a phone call at work on Friday afternoon at about 4:40. I was totally thinking about sneaking out of work early for the weekend when my phone rang. It was a female student from Miami University. She wanted to know if we could come and talk to her and her classmates about sexual assault prevention strategies. Hmmm, this is something I am passionate about, why the hell not? When did she want me to come? FREAKING SUNDAY. Yeah, right lady! Like I'm about to give up my weekend on 20 minutes notice. No way - I was beyond annoyed. She had the nerve to ask if anybody could come? Mind you, Miami University is an hour drive from downtown Cincinnati. It would require me to drive 2 hours! I should have just ended the conversation right there, but like a sucker she pleaded with me to go and meet her and her classmates on Monday afternoon and I gave in. Guess what - I did my presentation to two people. I spoke for a while then I asked if they had any questions, they didn't. Who asks somebody to drive for two hours and then isn't even prepared with questions? I'm so annoyed.

In other news:
My mom informed me that I am living in sin and she doesn't understand why we don't "just get married because you are already living together." Indeed, mom, I think you have your answer. Why SHOULD we get married...we are already living together. I'm already getting the milk for free if you know what I mean, wink, wink. We are also not living a "catholic lifestyle." Well, I suppose my mother and godmother are to blame for not guiding my spiritual life. I take no responsibility for that one.

I was watching SNL this weekend and Natalie Portman portrayed TJ Jourian in a sketch - a classmate of mine from MSU and a fellow student activist. TJ is a transmale and was recently part of a documentary called TransGeneration (I think?). As a result he was interviewed by Larry King and the SNL sketch was making fun of Larry King's idiocy. I was so shocked to see TJ Jourian as a character on SNL. I wonder how he feels about it. I don't think they were making fun of him, per say, but seemed to be poking fun at trans people in general - but mostly Larry King.

I saw a little lizard the other day. He was running around my parking lot. I stopped to watch him and thought about what a strange thing it was to see. I mean, the only animals I ever see are nasty pigeons and this little lizard. Turns out that these lizards are quite a problem in Cinci. They are a type of "European Wall Lizard" and they can infest houses and become quite a problem. Ewww.

I think I prefer lizards over rats, though.

Middle Schoolers wear me out. I did three dating violence presentations to the sweetest group of 12-14 year olds today. I am pooped! However, they were so much fun! They were so talkative and energetic and eager to tell me a ZILLION stories about their friends, cousins, aunts, etc. It wore me out.

I think the key to getting through to middle schoolers is to have a sense of humor about yourself and respect them even when they aren't being respectful to you. They quickly start to show you respect when they realize that you are "cool." One girl even asked me if I could stay and talk to them the for the rest of the day.

I get to go back tomorrow to talk about date rape and I am looking forward to it. I'm exhausted, but I'm looking forward to it.

Soooo, I am kind of concerned. My aunt made a comment in an e-mail that I am her first-born niece. Which is...not true. I am, in fact, her second eldest niece, and the third if you count my male cousin. This is strange and I don't know how to correct her. In fact, my uncle made the same mistake recently. So I've made a timeline - I'm thinking of mailing it to them anonymously or doing a presentation at Thanksgiving:

October 1955 - Grandparents get married
August 1956 - My mom born
August 1957 - Aunt Janet born (mom's sister)
January 1959 - Uncle Steve Born (mom's brother)
August/March sometime in the 1960's - Aunt's Mary and Theresa were born
September 1971 - Aunt Patty born
January 1973 - Uncle Matt Born
October 1980 - Aunt Janet married
November 1981 - Mom married
January 1982 - Cousin Andrea born (Janet's child)
August 1983 - Cousin Brian born (Janet's child)
September 1983 - Me born!

Anyway, the point of this exercise is to show that I am not, in fact, the oldest grandchild, or niece. I am not 25 years old which my family seems to think I am. In fact, my parents haven't even been married for 25 years yet, let alone 25 years plus 9 months.

Maybe they are confused since my mom is the oldest child, and I am her oldest child. But...that still doesn't make me the first born.

How do you correct somebody when they make a mistake like that? I mean, it's kind of embarrassing for them. I don't think I will forget MY nieces and nephews birth order. Hell, I know all my cousins' birthdays! Maybe I am just special and I should preen around pretending to be first born grandchild royalty.

ANYWAY - I am kind of waiting for the shit to hit the fan even more. I don't think my grandma realizes that when we say we want to have the wedding at the Detroit Symphony, we really want to have the wedding ceremony at the Detroit Symphony. Not a Catholic Church, not a chapel, no catholic priest, no sacraments, not genuflection, no transubstantiation. NADA! SECULAR. I mean, we will be doing a reading about how marriage is a civil rights issue. This will NOT be a Catholic wedding by any stretch of the imagination.

Sooo...I hope she doesn't leave, or not show up, or tell me that I have shamed and brought disgrace to the family. Because right about now that is what I am thinking will happen.

In other news, my mom and Todd's mom have joined forces into some kind of Mother-in-law tag-team power duo. They are like a Power Ranger villain that snaps together with other villains to become a giant, fire breathing, laser pointing, squid (or in their case, Mother-in-law, but really Squid is more realistic).

Dear men of Cincinnati,

Please don't rape anybody tonight. I don't want to go to the hospital today because I am very very tired because you had to rape a woman last night and I had to talk to her on the phone at 3:00am. So no raping, mmmkay!

Sincerely,
Me

Last week there were three separate murders in my neighborhood and a fourth very nearby. Two of these murders happened exactly 3 blocks away from my home, outside, in broad daylight. Eeek! The victims were also white people who lived in the suburbs. So what were white suburbans doing in my bad neighborhood, you ask? Buying cocaine. So when black drug-addicts die it doesn't matter but as soon as white people are dying the police begin to take action.

So, what are the Cincinnati Police going to do?

Here is a poorly written article about what happened last night:

Since Monday, Cincinnati Police have made more than 113 arrests in their Over The Rhine crackdown.
The increased patrols come as a result of four murders in the area in about a week.
On Monday, Cincinnati Police Chief Tom Streicher announced he'd be adding approximately 50 officers to patrol the area and make arrests.
On Monday, 46 people were arrested on charges ranging from loud music to drug possession.
On Tuesday, police arrested 77 more people on misdemeanors and felonies.
Chief Streicher told 9News on Wednesday that he's very proud of his officers and the work they have done in Over The Rhine this week.
He says one frustration is a lack of Hamilton County jail space. Of the 46 people arrested Monday night, only eight remained in jail Tuesday evening.


Here is another one:

OVER-THE RHINE – The first day of Cincinnati police crackdown on criminal activity resulted in 58 arrests, including 16 people charged with drug offenses.
Charges for those arrested by police Monday ranged from littering, open container and loud music to drug trafficking and possession of crack cocaine.
Officers also seized 128.5 grams of marijuana, 7.26 grams of crack cocaine, and 3.9 grams of heroin.

“Our goal is to make it a safe environment for people who live in and visit Over-the-Rhine,’’ police spokesman Lt. Kurt Byrd said today.


I'm so happy to know that the police are cracking down on littering. Seriously. Littering.

What's next, jaywalking?

And do you want to know who these people are who are "visiting" Over-the-rhine? Judging by the shock and horror on people's faces when I tell them where I live the only people "visiting" my neighborhood are people buying drugs.

Have I earned my street cred yet?

Todd and I went to the Aquarium today - we've been meaning to go since we moved but we couldn't stomach paying the $18 per person to get in the door. Today was special (for no reason) so we decided to splurge. All in all, it was a disappointing aquarium. There were very few signs next to the exhibits and even the ones that had signs were quite brief. They would say the name of the fish and how big it got - not what part of the world it was found, or any other random bits of into about it. I learned more reading the backs of postcards in the giftshop than in the Aquarium.

Here are some very blurry pictures:

I have sad news: It seems that after battling years of mental illness Sonny has finally truly gone "Cuckoo" for cocoa puffs.

I learned this news after buying a box of Cocoa Puffs from my local Kroger. Indeed, you can see the craziness in his eyes.

Here are some pictures in memory of Sonny's less crazy days.

You can see from the last picture that the craziness was beginning to set in. I certainly hope Sonny is able to get the help he needs.

I woke up this morning, showered, fooled around on the internet, you know, a usual morning routine. Before I was going to leave for work I brushed my teeth. After brushing my teeth I stuck out my tongue in the mirror, as I usually do. (I don't know why)

Imagine the horror that filled my body when I noticed that my tongue was not it's usual shade of pink but instead a disgusting black. My entire tongue was a dark shade of black, it looked like I had just eaten oreos (...but I hadn't).

Images of "hairy tongue" from high school health classes flashed in my head. Oh my god! I don't even smoke!?!? How did I get hairy tongue?!? Why am I being punished?

Then I though, "well, maybe I am sick with some terrible disease! Maybe I am turning into a Giraffe." I seriously started to freak...out. I ran to the computer and googled "black tongue." The only thing that came up was "hairy tongue." I didn't know what to do, I was panicing, and considered calling in sick to work. (I can't come in to work today, I'm afraid I have a case of Giraffe tongue.)

I put some toothpaste on my toothbrush and started brushing my tongue; the black stuff came off, thankfully. It was so gross I almost threw up.

Thanks to my lovely message board I learned that PeptoBismol will cause your tongue to turn black. I'm kind of a PB addict due to my chronic heartburn, and this tongue thing had never happened before. Maybe it's time to think about getting on some permanent heartburn medication to spare the hairy morning tongue again. Gross!

I know, I suck at blogging. I went on a business trip last week to exotic Columbus, OH and then went back to Farmington this past weekend. Before then, well, Dana came to visit and other than that I was just plain too busy to be clever.

To answer everybody's question, that picture below is the Atrium at the Detroit Symphony Max M Fisher Center. It's where Todd and I want to have the wedding ceremony and reception. We will probably (fingers crossed) have the famous Tanya K Palit officiate the blissful union. How, you ask? Well, internet ordination, my friends, is legal in Michigan! Forget that I said April 7 in my last entry, my family is going to Disney World that week and I'm not invited. My wedding couldn't possibly interfere with their travel plans. (Can you tell I'm annoyed) We are now aiming for June 30, 2007. A freaking LONG time away. I never thought I would be your classic "June Bride" but then again, I never thought I would be getting married so I think I see a trend here.

Now I will shut up about the wedding because NOBODY CARES.

My dad *might* buy my 16 year old brother a brand new H2 (as in Hummer)...because every 16 year old boy needs a $60,000 military vehicle. My mom is making a big stink about having to pay for parking at the wedding. Believe me, if dad can afford a $60,000 car for MARK, then I'm sure that $7 a car isn't going to break the bank. I'm entirely annoyed that my dad would even entertain the idea of buying a Hummer, it is stupid on so many levels. I actually told my dad that if he bought Mark that car he would be ruining his (Mark's) chances of dating any woman who was relatively smart, funny or socially conscious because I know my friends wouldn't be caught dead dating a guy who drove a hummer. Besides, I would immediately think that driving a Hummer = small penis. Why would my dad do that to his son?

We went to Farmington this weekend to do the much anticipated wedding planning extravaganza weekend, but I am happy to say that we have a plan now!

When: April 7, 2007 (I know...it's much later than expected but it was the only day available)
Where:















We are so excited! It's so beautiful and it will be so freaking nice.