So much fun, I can't get enough of it:

http://www.myheritage.com/FP/Company/tryFaceRecognition.php?s=1&u=g0&lang=EN

This website will scan your face and tell you which celebrities you look like. I am finding pictures of friends from the facebook and going wild.

Apparently I look like Alyson Hannigan mostly, and Bette Davis, Chelsea Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Julianne Moore, Audrey Tatou, and Cate Blanchette. Not a bad bunch if I do say so myself.

I couldn't sleep tonight so I have been perusing blogs and such. I stumbled upon the blog of a certain Jennifer L. Lamb. I haven't seen her or interacted with her since I my last days at the old Cobblers Bench and I am so happy to not have to work with her anymore. You see, she likes to think she is this easy-going, new wave, progressive hipster but really she is extremely rude, stuck up and hasn't gotten over her issues of being picked on in High School.

In any case, sometime in September she posted this big long entry about me alluding to some strange idea that I am hogging all the feminism. Then she proceeded to say why I am more oppressed than I will ever know because I like things like squishy mattresses and matching towels. Interesting. Please correct me if I am wrong, but I have never been somebody who judges another person's form of feminism.

Hello, my name is Kim and I really really like Bed Bath and Beyond. In fact, the last time I was there I squealed with delight as I touched the flatware and the egg beaters. I think that I actually skipped over to the kitchen maid mixers. I guess that just means I am oppressed. Never mind that I am going to begin working as a sexual assault community educator. Never mind that I want to go to grad school to get a M.A. in Women's Studies and a J.D. so I can specialize in Women's Rights Law. Martha Stewart has brainwashed me with her evil web of deception into thinking that baking and knitting can be enjoyable creative outlets. I can't possibly understand feminism and oppression with that kind of brainwashing.

Yeah, so perhaps I need to get over her attitude towards me just like she needs to get over being picked on in high school. She really likes to insult you where it really stings, like the time she told Shawna that she wasn't going to listen to her ideas about relationships because she "owns a house with her boyfriend" and since Shawna did not, her ideas weren't valid enough. Or the time Shawna sincerely invited her to her birthday celebration and she responded by saying "I have absolutely no desire to be there." Insulting me as a feminist is a low blow for lack of a better cliche.

I certainly hope she is reading this, and I would bet that she is. After all the rude things you have said to me and about me; to my friends and about my friends, I hope you have a fabulous life in your crusty old trailer with your TWO worthless degrees. Good riddance in 2006. You are certainly not welcome here, especially if you just visit to collect ammunition on why you don't like me or how I am not feminist enough for your tastes.

I feel it is appropriate to end this post with a "Booyakasha, respek!"

I pretty much got everything I wanted for Christmas, the only exception being this ring I have been coveting on E-bay. Hey, I knew I wasn't going to get it, but there was a tiny part of me that hoped maybe, just maybe it would be in the jewelry box that I received as a gift. Sigh. It wasn't.





I can still admire it from afar.

I should have asked for more, I got everything on my list! I know the point of Christmas isn't a big gimme grab, I really appreciate how generous everybody was with Todd and I. We got tons of kitchen stuff which will make cooking easier and more fun. I think we got 6 oven mitts. (eek!) 2 garlic presses, three corkscrews/bottle openers. (Anybody need an oven mitt, garlic press or bottle opener?) I have so many new knitting needles and patterns, now all I need is some yarn so I can start working on some projects! I got two robes and two pairs of pajamas, so I am set to brave the frigid Cincinnati winter ahead. I got two purses, one huge tote for lugging my crap to work and a smaller daintier one I picked out myself after exchanging a totally extravagant Coach Wristlet which was so very kind even though I would probably rarely use it. I am really excited to try out the fun board game from Todd's parents and I've already started reading the book Persepolis from Dana. I can't wait to try cooking on the new skillet from Todd's 'rents and the luggage gift made packing back up much easier.

Anyway, I am overwhelmed with Holiday Cheer right now and as I unpack all my loot I am realizing how lucky I am to have people in my life who want to spoil me.

Of course the best gift of all was the job offer. I am so excited; I can't sleep. Tomorrow will be my last day temping and I am thrilled to leave them. Suckas! The best thing is that I get a few more days of vacation before starting my job, and after that I am going to get this magical thing known as paid vacation time. I have heard of this mythical wonder and I can only hope that it is as wonderful as I have dreamed. Here's to getting rid of credit card debt in 2006!

Faithful readers...

I got the job! I start on January 3rd! I get vacation time, benefits and an office with a window and a door and everything.

Now I am going to reward myself by buying a snazzy new expensive planner that I've been eyeing for years.

Hurray for me and my REAL job!

I found out on Friday at 5:00 that I have the third interview at the Rape Crisis and Abuse Center for this Monday at 3:30. I just might get a job offer by the new year! Yippie!

I cannot wait to tell the temp job to fuck off and leave as many expense reports as I can unfinished. Sweet, sweet revenge.

I was walking down the street to work today and I saw a man waiting to cross the street ahead of me. He turned around and I caught a glimpse of his face. Unmistakably I thought, I know that face...that is the same face as President George W. Bush! I looked at him again, and again, same thing everytime. Same eyes, same mouth, same monkey-like features. The only difference was that his hair was darker and his wrinkles deeper. Still, the resemblance was uncanny. I almost said to him, "you know, you would make a great G. W. Bush impersonator."

Then I walked into my office building, he had walked in in front of me. I had to go to the reception desk to get a badge since I left mine at home accidently. I heard the receptionist call this man "Mr. Bush." At first I thought, oh my god, he must be a relative. Then I heard her say, "didn't bring your body guards today?" Which made me think she was just joking around with him. Then the receptionist got on the phone and said to the person on the other line, "Mr. Bush is waiting for you downstairs."

OH MY GOD. He MUST be a Bush cousin or something. That face is just too unfortunate if he isn't. What would a Bush relative be doing at P&G?

Dear Rape Crisis and Abuse Center,

Please, please, please call me! Damn-it, I KNOW you called my references already, so what are you waiting for? Did they not give me glowing enough reviews? So help me if Josh Parker made some shitty comment about me, I will go back to Lansing just to give him the ass-kicking he always deserved. Wait, pretend I didn't say that.

In any case, I really need you to call me and tell me to start work immediately so I can tell P&G to kiss my ass. I am really sick of their attitude over at P&G. Help me help myself by giving me the best job in the universe.

Merry Christmas to me! (Hopefully)
Kim


Dear P&G,

I hate you.

Here's a piece of advice, when you fuck up, don't blame the temp.

As a temp I should never be given important responibilities because if you treat me like crap, I won't show up tomorrow. Then, the jokes on you. If you don't know how to send a package, or get a check for somebody or pay your own credit card bill or click the PRINT button, then you, my friend, are an idiot. What are you going to do when I leave you high and dry, suckas?

If you aren't going to give me health insurance, then I'm not going to care.

Fuck off,
Kim



Dear Self,

Don't cry at work anymore; it isn't very becoming. Besides, you are just a temp. Stop caring so much. Those people are fuck-tards.

Love,
Me

Today Todd and I got into the non-denominational holiday spirit, somewhat by accident. When I woke up, I used the toilet as most people do. Problem was, the toilet didn't flush, the water kept running. I yelled to Todd, wake up, put some clothes on because we had to go buy a plunger before we were swimming in toilet water.

Frantically we rushed out the door before we realized, we didn't know where to go! We assessed our options, being new to town, we still don't really know where everything is. I mean, where does somebody get a plunger? I don't know where any hardware stores are. We decided Meijer would be our best bet. The closest Meijer, 8 miles away on the express way.

While we were in Meijer, and our apartment was filling with toilet water, we decided to pick up a fake Christmas tree. We stopped by Target as well where we picked up a tree for, wait for it, $12! Hell yeah clearance! It is 6 feet tall, which looks tiny in out apartment with tall ceilings. Todd didn't like any of the star tree toppers at Target and picked out a white bird ornament to top our tree. Umm, I guess it works.

When we got home, we defied gender roles by having me plunge the toilet and Todd put up the tree.

Todd pulled the "branches" away from the "trunk" of the tree and commented that "it didn't look this sparce in the store." Um, honey, that's because you need to pull the branches apart even more. We decorated it together with the ornaments from our childhood. It looks great! I am so happy to have such a lovely Holiday Spruce.

Todd started to get ambitious and put up all sorts of decorations. He wound tacky silver garland on our staircase handrail. He put out a snowman candle from his Mom and a Peanuts Christmas display as well. It looks so festive!

I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch downtown. I could have walked, it was only about 7 blocks away. However, it was cold and I've been a bit jumpy since earlier this week a woman was robbed and raped at gunpoint in broad daylight ONE BLOCK away from my apartment and only 15 minutes before I walked past that EXACT SPOT.

I shouldn't have driven because there was a home football game today. (Who Dey?) There was NO PARKING anywhere. I drove around for 30 minutes until I parked illegally and ran to the restraunt. My friend wasn't there. I thought she might be having a problem with parking as well, so I waited out front so if she drove past she would see me. This really scary, toothless guy started to approach me, yelling nonsensically about football. He got really close to me and he was clearly drunk. Then he grabbed my arm, right near my purse and I gave him the stone face of death and yelled, "DO NOT TOUCH ME, PLEASE!" I was ready to fight, and he could tell. He left me alone.

Turns out, my friend didn't fall asleep until 4am last night and overslept for our lunchdate. So I had all afternoon to do something. When I came back the apartment, I was feeling so festive that I made peanut butter cookies and sugar cut-out cookies. (By scratch!) I am going to make a few more types and wrap them up to give to my neighbors. I'm so domestic!

It's 1:30pm and schools are already announcing that they will be closed tomorrow. The radio stations are telling people to stock up on milk, bread and canned food. The salt trucks have been "pre-treating" the roads since Tuesday. The top news story Wednesday night on the 6:00 news was the blizzard heading our way tonight (Thursday). Oh my gosh! How much snow is Cincinnati in for, I wonder?

9 inches?

12 inches?

An ice storm?

Oh...no. This is how the city of Cincinnati reacts when they are expecting 2-5 inches of snow.

What a bunch of whiney wimps.

In Michigan we don't call that a blizzard, we call that Thursday. Do you remember the snow banks taller than your head? That was worthy of stocking up on canned goods and a school closing, but 2-5 inches!?! Thank you Michigan, for making me a stronger person. Thank you for making me brave during the threat of a mere dusting of snow. While people in Cinci are stocking up on creamed corn and powdered milk, getting ready to hunker down for the long haul known as winter, I am going to cautiously drive where I need to go. While Cincinnatians will cry if their shoes get wet from snow, I have my waterproofed Ugg boots that will keep my feet toasty even when the outside temperature reaches 40 below zero.

I am way too prepared for Cincinnati winters. I wonder if I will turn soft if I live here too long. Perhaps Minnesota will be too harsh after spending a few years here in Cincinnati.

My second day of presentations went really well. I was happy with the participation and after reading their comments, I know they are beginning to understand.

Except for one guy.

He said that if a woman asks their attacker to use a condom, she must want to have sex with him. (Random, I know.) He continued to say that a woman she should always put up a physical fight or it isn't rape. But, I asked "What is she fears for her life? I mean, what if the attacker has a weapon, or is she is afraid that he will truly kill somebody she loves if she puts up a fight." He said that a woman should prefer death to being raped. !!! He said that he would prefer his sister be murdered with her dignity than have to live with the shame of being raped.

OH MY GOD.

I quickly said that the law disagrees with him, rape is nothing to be ashamed of, and changed the subject.

That young man is going to see the inside of a jail cell one day with an attitude like that.

I have done my first day of presentations at the local high schools and I have survived.

In fact, I really liked it!

To be honest, I was quite terrified in the days leading up to it. As I walked into the school at 6:50am today, I was trying not to think about running out the door and going back to bed.

Most of the students participated, and they didn't need too much probing. It was great to see the light bulbs go off over their heads when they started to "get it." I ended up structuring the presentation so I posed (somewhat leading) questions to them in order to get their responces. They were asked to fill out a response sheet, and under the comments section most students said that they liked "talking to an adult about this stuff," "the debates," and "the presentor." Awwww. It made my heart melt to read them! Some of them said that they "were really thining about relationships differently." Awww!

I am very excited about going back and I had a few students ask if we could do the same activities again!