The greatest thing that has happened to me in recent times is that NBC has started airing Project Runway on Monday nights. If there was one reason to get cable, it was Project Runway. Now I don't have to buy cable, and I get to watch my favorite show. Now if only a network station will pick up The Daily Show I'll be all set.

I think I need to get out more.

You see, I've had so little energy lately I don't even feel like doing the most basic household chores. Todd has been wonderful at doing the laundry.

I just realized that it is July 3oth and I did not go to the gym at all this month. I spent $53 on my monthly membership and didn't go at all. I had better go tomorrow or I will feel like a total sloth.

My wedding dress came in the mail. I had it delivered to work and when I went to pick it up from the front desk my co-worker did not believe that my wedding dress would fit into a package that small. When I tried it on, I have to admit, I was disappointed. A part of my was expecting it to be perfect, and it didn't quite live up to my expectations. Oh, well. I'm going to keep it anyway. It will require some minor alterations on the shoulders but I think it will look fine. No need to spend a lot of time dwelling on a dress, right? I've never really felt the need to look like a sparkly princess fairy.

I've been feeling really depressed about the wedding lately - but not depressed about marrying Todd. I just kind of wish that we had just eloped. Unfortunately, I think it's too late for that. We have too many deposits down at this point. The day just seems so far away and I'm feeling a lot of negativity from my mom. My sister Nicole has not said a single thing to me about the wedding since I got engaged. Not that I really expect anything from her. My mom is sending e-mails to relatives saying that I am "driving her crazy with my unconventional wedding." (How do I know this? She forwarded me an e-mail with her original e-mail still attached at the bottom. How very kind of her.) I've made the decision that since my mom cannot omit positive feelings towards me for any occasion, I will just tell her what time to show up on the wedding day. It still doesn't help me feel any better though. I don't know why I always let my mom disappoint me. My expectations of her aren't very high, but she constantly disappoints me. When Todd and I first got engaged and we were deciding upon a date my mom was upset that we were waiting so long. Last week she just told me that she thinks we are too young to be getting married. I can't win! I am convinced that even if I was 26 and getting married in a Catholic church with a perfectly modest dress poufy white dress that only cost $59 and a bouquet of red roses and a reception at a cheesy reception hall with a huge buffet of Polish cuisine she would find a fault with something.

Oh, and Todd's dealing with the caterer so any problems my mom has with the menu she is going to have to take it up with Todd. My mom has a problem with garlic and lemon among many other common spices. She WILL have a problem with the menu.

My mom is turning 50 in a week. I cannot believe how quickly her birthday rolls around.

Basically, here is my dillema: none of my gifts to her are ever appreciated. Nothing is good enough, nothing is ever used.

In the past, when I have asked my mom what she wants for her birthday she has said "some dirt for the garden." Honestly. My mom wants dirt. I've asked her what else, she says "new furniture for the living room." First, I can't afford that. Second, she has been saying that since before I was in HIGH SCHOOL. She doesn't want new furniture, because then she wouldn't have anything to complain about.

In the past my dad would buy my mom jewlery. She never wears it. He started buying her the random things she wanted (like scissors or scrapbooking supplies) but they end up sitting in the corner, never getting used. I think my dad started giving my mom cash for her birthday.

I've tried to be clever, in the past I've bought her a bird bath (it's sitting in the garage.) I bought her a Survivor "Buff"(she said she wanted one in like March and I remembered and everything!) but I've never seen her use it. My mom is the type to politely say, "thank you." then file away your gift in the giant piles of crap covering her home until it finally makes it's way to the garage sale pile.

I've done the gift certificate route but here are her problems:
1) She doesn't like to go out to eat.
2) She doesn't like to go to the movies.
3) She doesn't like anything.

Even if I bought her a gift certificate to Costco or Kohls (her favorite stores, gag me) she wouldn't ever use them.

My dad has done the flowers thing but then she gets all annoyed because it's a waste of money.

So should I even bother? I'll send her a card, but do I have to buy a gift, too?

Yesterday we played out very first kickball game of the season. It was a humid 90 degrees and I haven't played a team sport since 10th grade gym class. I was really nervous that I was going to make a fool out of myself in front of my co-workers and complete strangers who also happen to be my teammates.

Now I remember why I don't hand around males very often. Why do men feel the need to get so dang competitive over everything? I mean, it's KICKBALL. Let me emphasize that one more time: KICKBALL. How on earth can you take kickball seriously? We are using the same ball we used while playing elementary school game of 4 square.

Here's what happened:
We all slowly trickled onto the field. Somebody took charge and created a roster of "batting" order and then asked us what positions we played. I offered to play 2nd base. (It's not really a super important base and besides, you have the shortstop to help you out.) We tossed the ball around to get a feel for it and then the game started. I took my position and was immediately hollared at by my teammates to move a bit to the left, now move forward, now move more to the left. Jeezus! Okay, okay, I moved.

All was going well. I didn't get a lot of second base action in the first few innings. When the ball came my way my male teammates would run in front of me to catch it for me. Way to promote teamwork, dudes! At one point a guy kicked the ball and it flew in the air heading straight for me. I was positioning myself under it, bracing for the impact...and the ball just went straight through my arms and fell to the ground. In the same inning one of my co-workers was in the outfield and similarly, a ball was headed right for her. She was yelling, I got it, I got it and then another outfielder pushed her out of the way to catch it. What a douche!

To make it worse, as we were heading back at the end of the inning, one of our opponents was passing us and he said in this smarmy voice: "Nice job, ladies." Wow. Way to: a) take kickball seriously and b) act like a prick jock who made gym class living hell for me. All of a sudden all the anxieties of gym class started to flood back. To make matters worse, my male teammates demoted me to oufield in the next inning.

If people aren't playing purely to have fun, then honestly, what's the point? If you are going to be competitive over a silly little kid game then I don't know if I want to be on that team anymore.

Let's hope I make a great play next time to redeem myself in the eyes of my loser teammates.

Yesterday I learned that I was going to be spending close to $800 on car repairs for my 2000 Alero with 47,000 miles on it. (I don't know why my car is this giant money pit.) The worst part is that it didn't even fix the two problems that I originally had with it. I paid all that money just to get my car to function. My car still rattles and the AC still sucks. (Not literally sucks in air, but it just barely works.) Anyway, my car is running and I should be happy that I had the money in my bank account to pay for it. All in all, it was the cherry on top of a bad day. Todd and I decided to go out to eat (because we have no groceries) and after going through the laundry list of our usual restraunts nothing sounded appealing.

"You know what sounds good?" I said. "Chain restraunt food."
Todd looked at me quizzically, "Like Applebees?"
"YEAH!"
(Two or three years ago Todd and I pretty much swore off these chain restraunts so this comes as an unusual request.)
After wracking our brain to find a generic restraunt I remembered the TGI Friday's in Hyde Park and we headed out.

How was my meal? Well, I remember why we swore off chain restraunts. Even the water tasted bad. Everything was so...uninspired.

Todd and I went to the Jens Lekman concert last night at the Southgate House in Kentucky. I've really been digging his music lately. Even though I was not in the mood to go out last night we had a great time. The music was lovely and fun and catchy. His back-up band was adorable. It was made up of six young Swedish women in white vintage dresses. After the show we talked to Jens who was very humble, sincere and very very normal. I think I have a crush.

Today I had a lunch meeting with a woman who, in a great stroke of irony, suggested we meet at TGI Friday's in Hyde Park for our meeting. Twice in less than 24 hours! I skipped the water this time.

I am so very proud of myself. I finished my very first baby sweater. It was easier than I thought to knit the pieces of the sweater but it was difficult to figure out how to finish all the edges and seams. I think it turned out nicely. It's not perfect but I think it will do for a baby.

Eulogy to my car battery

Dear Car Battery, how I mourn thee. You have served me well for an unprecedented 7 years. I have been kind to you and in return you have outlasted most batteries. Your death was brief and quick. I knew the end was coming when I was driving home from Michigan and you sputtered a bit in the gas station. You still held strong for another two weeks until this weekend when you offically kicked the bucket. We couldn't even jump start you. So now my poor car is sitting, immobile, in the parking lot. There is nobody who will ever be able to replace you, but you know I must move on. I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you more while you were still with me.

Todd is hosting his work's book club meeting at our apartment tonight. We got all into it, actually giving our apartment a thorough cleaning and making various hors d'ouerves. I even got into the festivities by making my famous oatmeal toffee chocolate chip cookies and pigs in a blanket...mmmm...meat in dough...mmmm.

Well, it turns out that only about 4 people are going to make the trek down to OTR for the shin dig. I can't help but feel...rejected. What am I going to do with all those cookies?

The weather in Cinci is pretty much the most hellacious I've ever experienced. Now that it's July, the humidity is off it's rocker. Worst thing about it is that the humidity really ripens the scent of urine through the city. It's pretty gross.

With this oppressive summer weather comes a tendency to act out violently. My favorite Cincinnati public figure had been on TV a lot lately. His name is O'Dell Owens and he is the county coroner. He is a total superstar, the best county coroner ever. You think I'm kidding, but I would TOTALLY work on his campaign. You think I'm kidding about this, but I'm really not. I have a lot of respect for this guy. Apparently I'm not alone:
http://www.citybeat.com/2005-07-06/cover.shtml
http://en.thinkexist.com/quotes/dr._o

He went to Antioch College AND Yale Medical School. He is really outspoken about the drug problem. He also uses his platform as a public figure to promote downtown development and Over the Rhine Development. There are a lot of mysterious deaths and murders in Cincinnati so it seems like O'dell always has a valuable point to contribute. Most recently a man died in police custody after a taser was used. O'dell Owens performed an autopsy and discovered that the man had the second highest levels of crack in his system that the office had ever seen, therefore it was the crack, not the taser that killed him. He was quoted on the news saying in a really bad-ass tone: "If people continue to use drugs, they’ll end up coming to my house, the coroners office."

The most recent breaking news story in Cincinnati is that a police officer was shot. A re-run of Everybody Loves Raymond (Todd's favorite show, I'm not kidding) was interrupted by "breaking news" news of this story. A police officer was shot by a 17 year old in a nearby neighborhood. (Not mine for a change!) After three "breaking news" interruptions turns out the police officer is going to be okay. He was wearing a bullet proof vest so his belly is just a widdle bit bwoosed. Sorry, no disrespect, but the first reports were that this guy was in critical condition. They actually instructed viewers to PRAY for this guy. And he's okay in the end. Musta been all the prayers.

ANYWAY. What would cause a 17 year old to shoot a police officer you ask? The police officer was writing this guy up for littering and the kid SHOT him. Todd has come up with an artists rendition of the conversation leading up to the shooting:
Cop: Hey, you, troublemaker! Pick up that candy wrapper you just dropped.
Kid: No!
Cop: That littering, it is against the law, pick it up you hooligan!
Kid: NO! I do what I want. I'll litter when I want to and no cop is going to tell me what to do.
Cop: I'm afraid you've given me no choice but to write you a citation.
Kid: Eat lead, pig!

End scene

Just say no!

http://www.infonegocio.com/xeron/mamut.html

For the full effect make SURE your speakers are on.

I have a problem and I need sombody to stop me. Post-in notes are eating my desk. Half my desk is covered in post-it notes; my obsession is getting out of control and unhealthy. I have the smallest work desk in the universe. That's right, I said the UNIVERSE.

All right, now I have a bone to pick with the wedding industry. I've been browsing for wedding shoes today, I know, I know, I need to focus on the dress before the accessories. However, I have this feeling that I am never going to find shoes that live up to my standards. Case and point:

These look familiar. I think I had a pair of these...oh yeah, it was 4th grade, my very first pair of high heels. I certainly hope that most people's taste in footwear matures beyond age 9.

I suppose even a stripper needs to look like a fairy princess on her wedding day. Can you believe that these are actually marketed as bridal shoes.

Nothing says classy like bedazzled plastic flip flops. Once again, these are advertised as bridal shoes.

This one will match the giant butt bow you can still find on most wedding dresses.

Oh my god. A white satin granny boot. I can't imagine in which universe this is a good idea.

I've done something very un-Kim-like. I've joined an intrumural sports team. What kind of sport, you ask? Kickball!

Our games are Wednesday evenings and I am really excited about it. We get matching T-shirts so we will look like a real team and everything. I'm kind of nervous because I only know a few people from my work who are on the team and I was always the last one picked in gym class. Let's hope my co-workers don't hold it against me if I screw up.

There is a new little baby due to enter the family in early January. I'm not telling who is pregnant, but don't worry, it's not me. I've already knitted some gender neutral green baby booties and I now working on a tan and pale blue cardigan sweater. Blue is gender neutral, right? It's so much fun to knit for a baby!

Todd and I were watching some Entertainment Tonight this evening and we saw a segment on Richard Simmons. Todd's reaction to the segment: "Do you think that there would ever come a point when he will wear sleeves?" I about died with laughter. Oh Todd, you still crack me up!

Wowza yowza what an eventful two weeks I have had. I'll give you the quick and dirty run-down.

1) Went to Chicago for a Sexual Assault Prevention conference put on the the Center for Disease Control. The hotel was fantastic! It was a 46 story Marriott on Michigan Avenue. The bed was really comfortable, the pillows were fluffy and I had a down comforter.
1a) The conference sucked. Rather than brainstorming ways to actually rid our world of sexual violence most of the attendees played a big old game of pass the blame. Waa waaa, who's not pulling their weight. Then they blamed direct service agencies like my own. Let me tell you, missies, I am POSITIVE that I am pulling my weight. Booya!
1b) The big ideas from this conference are just awful. One is to make it trendy to be in a healthy relationship. They want to promote a campaign of "Choose Respect." In keeping with horrid, ineffective public awareness campaigns put forward by the government. (Anybody remember "Just Say No"?) http://www.chooserespect.org/scripts/ I guess the theory is that if the colors are bright enough and you have enough fake tattoos and podcasts you can make anything cool...for about 3 months. The other big idea is to start Sexual Assault Prevention Committees in our community. Yeah, right, just what the world needs...more freaking committees. I couldn't handle another damn committee if I tried.
1c) I ran into Ross Wantland from U of Illinois. Ross is the coordinator of the Sexual Assault Education program there. I met him when I was a Freshman at MSU and Tanya and myself and lots of others went down to Urbana-Champaign to learn more about the sexual assault prevention at the school. It was such a memorable experience. He didn't remember me specifically but he remembered Tanya and he remembered us coming down to visit him.

2) In Chicago I visited the Planetarium (very educational) and the Art Institute. For some reason at the art institute I spent a lot of time looking at portraits of women from 1500-1700. I just wanted to know what was trendy back then, I guess. Apparently it was lacey collars. I shopped a lot, I visited my very first Crate and barrel and H&M. It was discouraging since most of the stores were chains that I could have visited in any mall in America or expensive designers that I have no interest in wearing.

3) Todd and I went to his family's cottage on Lake Michigan and it was so nice. Unfortunately Todd's parents brought the dogs since they stayed with us at the cottage for a couple days. The dogs were really obnoxious. I don't like dogs to begin with so the fact that the dogs were whining the whole time they were there....lets just say the doggies are lucky they made it out alive.

4) Weather was perfect, breezy and sunny. Not humid at all. We went to the beach everyday and splashed around in Lake Michigan. We even went on a dune scooter ride; it was really fun and educational. We got ice cream from the Whippy Dip more frequently than we needed and ate the most delicious Irish potato skins from the local bar. Yum!

5) On our way back to Cincinnati we stopped in Toledo and had engagement photos taken. If you'd like, you can check them out here: http://www.everlastingimages.biz/KimTodd/ I like our photographers, they are going to be great on the wedding day. I am really happy I was able to book them and they keep telling me how excited they are about our wedding locations.

6) When we arrived in Cincinnati neither of us could fall asleep, even though our bed is super comfortable. The bar next door was playing loud music until 3am and we couldn't tell if people were setting off fireworks in our neighborhood or if the noises were gunshots. Maybe it was both. Some of them certainly sounded like gunshots! It's amazing how quickly you get used to the silence.

7) Now I'm back to work. My troublesome co-worker is being passive aggressive with me, as usual. Apparently she was storming around the office, muttering under her breath when she learned that I was sent to Chicago instead of her. Hahaha! I love it! We're all just counting the days until she is fired.