Jesus christ, job searching so so sucky. I could essentially have a job at PNC Bank if I wanted, and there would be room for advancement in the not too distant future. I would be able to walk to work (9 blocks away), I would have benefits, (including vision and dental) and paid vacations. However, I would only be paid $18,000/year. I don't think I am being too picky, but you are a freaking bank, and you can't scrounge up more than a lousy $9/hr to pay me? This is bull shit! I mean, I might as well have just stayed in Lansing at the Cobblers Bench for that kind of insulting pay.

I just talked to my sister, Nicole. She wants to work as a waitress in a strip club. Just when you think it can't get any worse for her. I told her to think about the future, when she is applying at hair salons that she wants to work for...is she really going to want to put that she worked at "Big titties strip club" on her application or resume? She said, I don't think about the future. (Well obviously) I said, "well could you for a second?" She said "I have a friend who makes like $100 a night at the strip club." Well isn't that just peachy. I'm sure she gets paid vacations and dental insurance as well. Oh my god. My sister is a nightmare.

I have an interview for Wednesday at a bank. Kim, working in a bank? I laugh at the absurdity.

I celebrare, I am going to make my famous Toffee Oatmeal cookies. (okay, okay, so they are technically Martha's cookies, but I can claim them as my own.)

Today's television viewing has been dominated by the story of Hurricane Katrina and this obnoxious train car that began leaking 22,000 tons of extremely flamible and potentially toxic chemicals into the air in Cinci. Granted, this is important, and it is important that the people in the area are able to evacuate, but really, do you need to inturrupt Judge Judy AND The Price is Right to tell me this. I get it, I get it, if I lived there, I would leave, and those who are living there and not evacuating are ASSES and deserve to be blown to smitherines.

Amy Wagner of Channel 5 news is officially on my shit list. He nasaly voice is (for lack of a better cliched analogy) like nails on a freaking chalkboard. If I had to spend time around that woman, I would seriously consider going on a murderous rampage to put myself out of the misery that is her voice. Help me out, I'm going to e-mail the news station asking them to limit her air time. Here is her bio with her e-mail address...at least send her a mean e-mail or something to chase her out of town. http://www.channelcincinnati.com/station/3421717/detail.html

I heard a rumor that Over the Rhine (my neighborhood) was filmed in the "urban wasteland" scenes of the movie Traffic. Since I own Traffic and have not watched it in about 3 years, I decided to spend my Sunday evening looking for my neighborhood.

They were right! I noticed some familiar buildings, a sign that said "Vine Street" and then, at one point, Michael Douglass and Topher Grace were walking down 12th street and I could see Main Street in the distance and a Old St. Mary's (a familiar church and pregnancy center). Here is a map connecting my apartment to the scene in the neighborhood. http://maps.google.com/maps?t=h&saddr=1200+Vine+Street,+Cincinnati,+OH+45202&daddr=1347+Main+Street,+Cincinnati,+OH+45202&hl=en

Late yesterday Todd and I heard a ruckus coming from the bar nextdoor. This was unusual as we can generally never hear their noise. We went to Coopers for Brunch (yes, they are a bar that serves brunch...you have a problem with that?) and asked what was going on last night. The waitress looked at us with all seriousness and said, "you should have come down...we had jello wrestling on the patio."

Why didn't we guess it was Jello Wrestling? Ahhh, I love you Cincinnati.

I went to the zoo with Todd today. We couldn't figure out why the directions from the Cinci Zoo website were so incorrect, and were cursing the existence of the Cincinnati Zoo until we got home and realized that Todd had written down half the directions from our apartment and half the directions from another way. FOILED AGAIN!

I was looking forward to the penguin exhibit, but it was disappointing. I now have a love for Gorillas. The Cincinnati Zoo is the leading Gorilla observatory, or whatever, in the country and they have a Gorilla Cam... http://www.aroundcinci.com/icams/gorilla/

Yesterday I went out to dinner and a movie with the book club ladies. It was so nice to be surrounded by female energy for an evening. Most everyone was so positive and funny and smart and energetic, I just loved being around them. It's great to be able to entirely re-invent yourself, and be whoever you want without preconceived notions or cliques to hold you back. I had an absolutely wonderful evening and look forward to more time spent with Courtney, Melody, Molly and Abby.

When I got home I had a phone message from Mike from Premier Services Support Management...they want me to come in for a second interview on Friday! The pressure is off, somewhat, because this isn't my dream job. The perks however, are, it is a job in Human Resources, which is a field that I could easily pursue and make a career out of; I would get to travel 50% of the time through their region, which is 23 states (!!!!); traveling implies that I would be given a lot of responsibility, which is wonderful for future job pursuits; I'm sure it would also pay VERY well, probably more money than I would know what to do with. The cons: I would be traveling 50% of the time through 23 states...this means that my life totally revolves around my job; car parts? What do I know about car parts?; I would be visiting industrial areas and factories...Kim in a factory is a funny site...imagine me with a hard hat...hahahaha!

I honestly thought I would never resort to putting one of these in my blog, but alas, I bring you questionnaire courtesy of Craigslist.com.

Last drink: Wednesday, two amaretto sours

Last cigarette: Probably when I was like 17 and sitting in somebody's car, trying to be cool.

Last drug use: is caffeine a drug?

Last time you cried: It's been a couple days now, I was probably just feeling sorry for myself.

Last book you read: I just finished the Kite Runner and I am reading The Bonesetters Daughter

Last movie seen in the theater: The march of the Penguins

Last movie seen at home: Breakfast at Tiffanys

Last meal: Pizza for dinner last night

Last TV program: Dr. Phil, and I am NOT proud of myself.

Last shower: Yesterday afternoon, when you don't work personal hygiene schedules get all jumbled.

Last CD bought: I honestly don't remember...

Last time you got excited: When I applied for a job at U of Cincinnati as an Admissions Officer! I also got excited looking at the joint JD/MA in Women's Studies program that they have! EEEK!

Last time you were disappointed: Everyday that I don't get phone calls about jobs.

Last vacation: I suppose this could be considered a vacation, and before that I went to Lake Michigan with Todd over the 4th of July weekend.

Last concert: The Blanks Farewell Show

Last conversation: Todd and I have a constant conversation going. Besides Todd, Melody called me, she's my first Cincinnati friend!

Last kiss: This morning before Todd went to work

Last time in love: I'm still in love.

Let's say your last name is a word that means "a person who commits a violent crime." Ohh, let's say your last name is "Raper," Tom Raper.

You want to start an RV dealership, a noble profession.

Why, oh why would you name your RV dealership "RAPER RV?"

Would it kill you to come up with something different, like "Fun in the Sun RV?"

By the way, this is a true story. I see the commercials all the time. Here is their website: http://www.tomraper.com/

I got an e-mail from Todd's Dad today, attached to it was e-mail correspondence he sent to a professor colleague at U of C about me. He refers to me as his son's future wife twice! AHHHHGGGGG! I do not see a diamond ring yet! I am not planning a wedding! How did I get this promotion?!?!

Todd's parents called 6 times yesterday. When I finally decided to pick up the phone, (I'm setting boundaries...I don't answer the phone before 10am...three of the calls came before 10am) I was somewhat mortified about what his mom had to say. Apparently, she called my mom...just to chat. She wanted to tell my mom that she went to visit us, we are doing fine. Then she said to my mom, "I know this isn't exactly the situation you would have hoped for, but I have never seen two kids who love each other more than Kim and Todd. Don't worry, when the timing is right, I know they are going to get married." Oh. My. God.

I am mortified.

My mom has not called me yet. I am afraid to pick up the phone.

I rented Quantum Leap on DVD. I didn't remember how sexist it is. Ewww. However, Scott Bakula has, like, the hairiest chest in the universe.

This week my job search is going much better than last week. I haven't cried yet! I returned the phone call to Premier manufacturing Support Services (don't ask me what that means or what they do...) and the job sounds much better than I expected. It is a human resources position and I would be traveling through their 23 state region 50 % of the time. (I really like the idea of travel, although, 50% of the time?!? Yeesh! They had better pay well.) He asked the salary expectation, and I high-balled it since I don't REALLY want this job, and I think I could probably ask for more. He said they will call back for an interview, and I think that would be great, even though I could care less about getting it. Perhaps that means it will go well because the last time I didn't want a job I interviewed for, I got it.

This weekend Todd's parents came to Cinci to visit with us. We went out to eat at good restaurants, saw an OMNIMAX movie, went browsing around shops, they bought us groceries and a bookcase from Target. It was nice to have company and talk to people besides Todd for a change. I didn't realize how lonely I am here until they left. Shit, now I'm crying again!

One of the things I realized is that Todd's parents are the complete opposite of my parents. While I complain that my parents are uninterested, self-involved, pessimistic and all around disappointing and unsupportive, his parents are on the other end of the spectrum. It is difficult to spend too much time with them because they want to be so helpful that I end up thinking that they want to plan my life for me. I guess there is no such thing as a perfect parent/child relationship.

I've been reading The Kite Runner all day for my book club, and it is quite a quick read. Sometimes it takes me a while to get into a book, but I find myself choosing reading this book over playing The Sims or watching TV. (That must mean it is a good book!) I think I will walk down to the library in a little bit, although I really don't need anymore books.

I joined a bookclub filled with strangers I met on the internet.

We met for the first time yesterday, and guess what...they are *not* creepy, conservative, and/or religious zealots!

One of them is starting a masters program at University of Cincinnati in Women's Studies. One of them just moved from SanFrancisco where she worked for an Asian-American politician involvement non-profit. One of them has a masters degree in Math. One of them was born and raised in Canada. One of them is adopting a seven year old girl this month.

I am so excited!

I went to a temp agency today where I was essentially hired on the spot. I am going in on Wednesday for a more thorough interview about where I should be placed. While I was at the temp agency I got a phone call from "Premier Services Sports Manufacturing" for a phone interview. Granted, these are not things I really, truly *want* to be doing, but I learned from my book club that it is okay to have a "for now" job. Money is money and you can meet cool people anywhere.

Todd and I walked around our street this afternoon and bought cupcakes at the cake bakery for Todd's Mom's birthday today. We also visited the fabric/bead shop. We bought his mom some gifts from the cute artsy store down the way and talked with the owner for about 45 minutes. We met a police officer who told us that they were working overtime patrolling Main Street. We ate at the Courtyard Cafe, and it was lovely, and as we were leaving we saw a man run out of a thrift store and chase a woman down the street who was stealing something. All in all, it was quite an eventful day!

Todd's parents are coming to visit us today. We are going to go to a restaurant which serves "fine Scottish cuisine" for dinner! Cincinnati has everything!

Ohio Politics...

First things first, the Ohio Governor is a Republican named Bob Taft. Yes, he is related to president Taft, he is the great-grandson of William H. Taft.

Apparently he violated ethics law by accepting gifts of golf outings, etc. He was charged with 4 misdemeanors charges of ethics violations this week.

I love it when the holy Republicans make big old mistakes like this!

People are calling for his resignation!

He has been ordered to apologize to all Ohio residents via e-mail. How on earth do I get on this mailing list? Seriously, I want a Bob Taft apology! (What about the people without e-mail? Does he have to call them?)

The only thing that Todd and I were sad about missing in Lansing was Video to Go. I love the five videos for five days for $5.55. I love the selection of independent and foreign films. When we moved to Cinci, we figured that we would be able to find something comparable. Imagine our surprise when we opened the yellow pages to see nothing by Blockbuster, Hollywood Video and "Adult Video Stores." After a few trips to Blockbuster we resigned ourselves to never renting videos again. I mean, if I wanted 60 copies of "The Pacifier" I might as well just kill myself.

I did a google search, because I just knew in my heart of hearts that there HAD to be something else out here. I found....Bughouse Video! Much, much, much smaller than Video to Go, but it's a start! The video clerks are friendly! They have a Pedro Almodóvar *section*. They have Da Ali G Show! Sigh. Thanks for existing Bughouse Video...even if I have to drive 25 minutes to the Northside of town to get to you. (By the way, the Northside of town has funny street names, like Cosby and Lingo. These are also the names of shows you can find on daytime cable.)

On our way to Bughouse Video yesterday, we found a pink pamphlet on my windshield. Hmm, what is this? It is a questionnaire. A 200 question questionnaire from the Cincinnati Church of SCIENTOLOGY! Let's do some!
1. Do you make thoughless remarks or accusations which you later regret? Yes
2. Do you browse through railway timetables, directories or dictionaries just for pleasure? Why...yes...
3. Are your actions consideredunpredictablee by many people? No
54. If you saw an article in a shop obviously mistakenly marked lower than its correct price, would you try to get that price? Probably not.
72. Are you perturbed by the ides of "loss of dignity?" Nah, maybe.
98. Would you use corporal punishment on a child age 10 if it refused to obey you? (Yes, that is exactly how it is worded...notice the use of the word "it" to describe a child) Probably not.
146. Do you have a tendency to tidy up the disorder of somebody else house? Absolutely not!
162. Would you like to "start a new activity in the area which you live? Yes. Just not scientology.

That was fun. I was thinking of filling it out, sending it back, but including the name and address of an enemy. Unfortunately I don't have any enemies in Cincinnati...yet. It might be strange if the Cincinnati Church of Scientology was getting mail from people in Lansing, MI.

I am a big cry baby.

So I decided to start looking for jobs to tide me over until I find "the dream job." I woke up early and sent an e-mail to Todd's Boss' wife about the administrative assistant (secretary) job. Then I went downtown to apply at Macy's and Saks. Everything was going hunky-dorey at Macy's, I was chit chatting with the human resources folks, getting in good with them.

I went to Saks, they had more job openings, and I felt pretty good about that one as well. When I was done with my application, the HR woman asked if I had retail experience, I said that I did, so she said, let's chat. Uh oh. She asked "Tell me about yourself." I did. She then opened up my application to see that I have a bachelors degree. Dum duh dum dum. "You have a degree, what makes you want to work in retail?" I talked about disliking my work at the House of Representatives, that I like to be around people. I'm new to town, and I would like to be working. People shopping tend to be happy people...yadda, yadda. She said, "Kim, I'm a mother. I would hate for my children to be settling, or doing something they don't want to do. That being said, our employees make a good living, and many of them have degrees, we hire special kinds of people. I think you are lovely, I would be happy to pass your application along to our managers, and I think you could be hired. However, take my card, and call me on Thursday to tell me if you would still like me to pass along your application. I'm not sure if this is what you want to do...I don't want you to feel like you are settling. Go home, check the internet for other jobs first."

At least I waited until I was back in my car before I started bawling. She is so goddamn right.

I didn't stop crying all afternoon.

My eyes still hurt from all my crying.

So what's a girl to do?

This is what happens when old people figure out how to use the internet.

I need to stage an intervention. Grandma: I know you love me, and I love you too, but LAY OFF THE FORWARDS.

It all started with an e-mail about how perscrition drug prices are about 4,000% the cost of the ingredients that make up the drug. Thanks for the info, I kind of knew that already. The persription drug companies suck; and they totally prey on old foks. Thats one of the reasons I vote Democratic. (I'm glad you forwarded that to all you republican daughters.)

Then I got an e-mail entitled "Awaken the Fearsome Eagle." Uh oh. This e-mail goes on and on about all the biblical references to Iraq. Then it says something about the Koran and how the Koran must have predicted that Iraq would fall at the hands of the Eagle (the U.S.) . Uhhh, I don't get it? Big business sucks, support our troops in this holy war against Iraq?

Next week I get an e-mail called "God spilled his paints." After the last one I don't even know if I should bother opening this. It's relatively mild, just a picture of wildflowers in beautiful bright colors.

However, today I got the funniest e-mail ever. I know she sent it with the best of intentions, but I burst out into laughter when I opened it and saw this:
DON'T KEEP PRESSURIZED CANS IN YOUR CAR!!!!

Errr, I know she meant well, but I'm not an idiot grandma...thanks for the funny pic, though.

At least my Grandma sends me forwards that are remotely humorous. My mom just sends the e-mails that are like: Beware! If you go to a rest stop and somebody tries to sell you perfume, don't smell it. It will be ether and then you will pass out and they will rape you. Or...Beware! If an unmarked police car is trying to pull you over, drive to a gas station because chances are, they are not a cop and they will rape you. And she wonders why I majored in Women's Studies...

Gentle Readers, if you are ever in a situation where somebody offers you the opportunity to buy the floor sample of a discontinued $2000 mattress at a discounted rate of 50% standard retail value...take it and run like the wind. Yesterday my mattress arrived at my apartment in all its promised glory. Oh. my. god. It is like sleeping on a bed of clouds...very supportive clouds.

However, before going to bed I went (by myself) to see The March of the Penguins, in Kentucky. First off, the place I went was called Newport on the Levee; a recently constructed mall-type plaza on the Ohio river including the Newport Aquarium, a movie theatre, Claddaugh Irish Pub, Mitchells Fish Market, Johnny Rockets, American Eagle....wait, did I just go to Eastwood Towne Center? There were more annoying teenagers than I have seen in recent history, all just taking up space and pushing each other around. There were even some sidewalk performers which I decided to *not* stay and watch. (You know, too embarrassed for them.)

I saw the movie, which I thought was good, cute, interesting, informative, but it could have very easily been something I saw on the Discovery Channel for free. Speaking of free, you know what is not free? Parking. I had to pay $5 just to park my car! Also, movie tickets in Kentucky are $9! Eeeek! Is it like that everywhere? I don't remember movies being so expensive.

I am disappointed though, because I learned that as I was enjoying my movie, I could have gone down to the river to see Vanilla Ice performing for free at the Great Inland Seafood festival. Hindsight is a bitch, huh? Just a few hundred meters away and I could have been enjoying the sweet, sweet musings of Vanilla Ice.

When I arrived home, I went to unlock the gate to my apartment's alley and it wouldn't fit into the keyhole. I checked a few times, and it was the right key, and then I noticed that the key was bent. Without this key I was unable to get into my building. I tried calling Todd, who was at a Hip Hop Music Festival (I know, I know, stop laughing...that's why *I* went to the movie by myself) and our conversation went like this:
Todd: Hello?
Kim: I have a problem!
Todd: I can't really hear you!
Kim: I have a problem...my key won't work, I can't get into the apartment!
Todd: Okay, I love you, I'll see you later!
Kim: No, no, no, no, no! I need you to come home! I can't get in the apartment!
Todd: I'll be home at about 2, I'll call you then, bye!
Kim: Bye....

Plan B was to buzz one of my neighbors (who I have yet to meet) and try to get them to let me in. This plan worked, although I felt really bad because while most people are awake at midnight on a friday, some are not. So I made it into the apartment alright.

Today Todd and I woke up at a leisurely 9:00 and discussed our options for today. (Because there is so much to do in Cinci!) We decided to go to the Great Inland Seafood Festival, even though there was little chance we would meet Vanilla Ice. We thought we were being all clever because we were going to park in Ohio and walk on the "Purple People Bridge" over to Kentucky so we wouldn't have to pay for parking. Well those damn Ohioans aren't as stupid as they look and we STILL had to pay $5 for parking, AND we had to walk. The festival was more "mediocre" than "great" although you could buy a Fresh Maine Lobster (cooked and everything) for $9.95. We opted for the crabmeat stuffed jumbo shrimp and dirty rice, which was very yummy. While the food prices were pretty good, but they got you on the drink prices. $3 for a bottle of water, give me a break! But alas, the temperature topped at 100 and that is not including the awful, oppressive humidity, so we caved in, multiple times. We walked around Barnes and Noble where I challenged Todd to tell me the last book he read for pleasure that was written by a woman...even despite his protests he didn't answer me ...because he didn't remember. So I made him buy the book, written by a woman, that he was trying to get me to buy and read. We trekked across the bridge again, bringing over priced water for our journey, and when we arrived home, we collapsed on our mattress and zonked out for 2 hours.

That heat takes a lot out of you.

P.S. If you are reading this, and I know some of you are, please leave me messages! I want to know if anybody is enjoying reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it.

For those of you biting your nails in anticipation for me...I have to announce...I didn't get the job! I received a call last night at 6pm while Todd and I were in the furniture store. We just learned the tragic news that the bed frame we wanted would not be available for EIGHT WEEKS! (This is a problem as we have a mattress arriving TODAY.) So as we were contemplating the $700 bed frame, and I was internally struggling with the idea of spending $1900 total on a bed and mattress as I am currently unemployed, my phone rang, and I learned that I would be unemployed a little while longer. Great timing Kathy Kearns...Great fucking timing. I started crying and Todd and I just left the furniture store and sat on a bench outside. Now that I think about it, I hope that the furniture seller didn't think I was crying because I couldn't get the bed I wanted.

Then Todd and I went into Stein Mart to look at shoes. This was the first (probably last) time I have ever (will ever) be in a Stein Mart. They had: Leopard print shoes, leopard print luggage (multiple varieties!), leopard print jewelry, leopard print purses, leopard print plates, leopard print sweaters, leopard print candle holders, and I am sure I have not exhausted the list of leopard print items they sold. We just kind of had to get out of there...Quickly.

Todd insisted he take me out to eat, despite my protests that we need to save our money because we aren't going to be able to afford our rent, then we will have to join the ranks of the homeless on Main Street. We walked across the parking lot and chose between the two Mexican-themed restaurants in the strip mall. I had a margurita, yum. Of course, to end the evening, it started to pour. ..and we were parked on the other side of the strip mall. I offered to walk through the rain, as I was not wearing work clothes. If my shoes were not waterproof they would have been destroyed.

I came home and found that Todd sent me an e-mail with the subject, "don't say I didn't warn you" and this link:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6448213/did/8888579/

Ha. ha. ha.

So now my fate is sealed. I am going to die because I am unemployed and my television is in Farmington.

I should probably go pound the pavement and look for some kind of job to tide me over. Todd's boss said that his wife's company is looking for an administrative assistant. Yippie skippie. They sell car parts. I can hardly contain my excitement over that one.

Do you want to know what I did today?

Don't say I didn't warn you...

http://games.yahoo.com/games/downloads/na.html

Oh, and I applied for a job as an assistant activities coordinator for a retirement community. Because I was so productive, I rewarded myself with THE BEST GAME EVER. May I suggest puzzle mode?

Enjoy!

(please give me a job, I need a job...)

I'm enjoying Cincinnati, but the honeymoon has worn off with Ohio. Yeah, that's right Ohio...you can kiss my ass.

In order to obtain an Ohio drivers license...and register to vote here...I was required to take a written test. I failed. I failed because the stupid state of Ohio requires that I know what percentage of light must be able to pass through a car's tinted windows. I don't have tinted windows, and I think they are trashy...so I DON'T CARE. I failed because I didn't know the age somebody must be in order to ride in the bed of a pick-up truck. I don't have a pick-up truck...and frankly, I don't think anybody should be riding in the bed of a pick-up truck. Quick, what is the speed limit in an alley? (The answer isn't "slow") See...Ohio really blows.

I am still waiting to hear back from the Girl Scout Council. My interview went really well, and I left thinking that I had it in the bag. So why am I still waiting on day 8, and why can't I get rid of this nagging feeling that I am going to be unemployed forever?

In happy news: I live a few blocks away from a store that sells gold and they specifically have a sign advertising "Gold Teeth $13.99." Damn, that's a good price.